Once again, a college newspaper has astounded me. Keep in mind this was on the opinion page, and it was, as noted, a letter to the editor. Maybe the editor wanted to make fun of this guy. A lot of his “suggestions” are ridiculously disgusting. A few are good, like 16 and 26. Most of them I just don’t want to comment on.
“She” is a subject pronoun. It is used to replace a female’s name when the female in question is performing the action of the sentence. “Her” is a predicate pronoun. Use it everywhere else.
The rug burn turned out a bit worse than I thought,
But don’t worry; I got it for her.
Swimming and sauna-ing sure hit the spot;
It was hot but I sweated for her.Remember that time that we talked in the rain?
I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again.
Those pleasant-type memories always remain,
For her.
I just thought it necessary to warn everyone that I am an idiot. Please use caution when you are around me. I will act insensitive and stupid at times without notice and without reason. My priorities are completely out of line, often resulting in injurious and/or thoughtless actions.
Despite this warning I seek not to excuse myself. Please forgive me.
[Update 2004-06-21 14:33] I am being punished. I had a 30 minute break today, and I was going to get some food at the Union, but there was a fire alarm and the building was evacuated. I wasn’t allowed to go into he Union. I didn’t get anything to eat.
“He did it all for me.” Chloë’s head hung low, as if she was speaking to herself.
“Huh?”
“For me, all for me. That’s why he did it.” Chloë looked up now, eyes wide in unbelief.
“Sorry, but I’m a little confused.”
“He changed. He changed for the better. I thought it might be because I wanted it so much, I prayed that wasn’t the case. ‘It’s what I need to be doing,’ he said. ‘I’m doing this for me.’ He said what I wanted to hear. Only he wasn’t. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t see why his life was becoming so wonderful. He wasn’t doing anything for himself, it was all for me.” Chloë put her head down again. Then, in a barely audible whisper, “All for me.”
“But he did change, didn’t he?”
“Yeah,” she answered. “He turned one-eighty, and he did it for me. Then I wasn’t around anymore. I was gone. I was gone and there was no one left for him to change for. So he turned around and he went back the way he came.”
“Oh. Back.”
“Yeah, back.”
With that, Chloë stood up and began a slow walk alongside the short rock wall. The wall some hundreds of years ago probably marked the departure from one man’s land to the next. It rose but two feet from the ground, and the pale grey line could be followed, serpentine, rolling over the green hills until it reached the end of the world. It followed the contour of the land, turning and rolling as it went, up a hill and down, lazily making its way across the countryside.
And so she walked, following the line to the end of the world. He watched her walk away, trying to feel the hurt she felt, trying to understand.
“Chloë!”, he called out to her. She stopped, but she did not turn. He ran up behind her, passed her now, turned around and looked into her eyes. “Chloë. Might I walk with you?”
Without a word, she looked into his eyes, took his hand in hers, then looked off into the distance.
They walked, along the wall, over the hills, following the lazy line to the end of the world.
I didn’t have to be at work until noon today, so I took the liberty of staying out a bit late last night. I do that often. Ask my friends. Anyway, I woke up to my alarm at 10:30 AM and bumbled around my apartment half-awake for a few minutes before stepping into the bathroom, fully prepared to be fully awakened by a fully delicious shower.
This is how I start the shower: Hot water knob one full turn to the right (because it’s backwards), then turn the “transfer water from faucet to showerhead” knob as far as it will go, then turn the cold water knob one-eighth turn to the left (because it’s not backwards). Then I give the temperature a minute to stabilize, then I get in.
I really wish that was how it happened this morning. Instead, it was hot water knob one full turn to the right … nothing. No water, not even a drip. I was half asleep and I had work to go to and I felt nasty and dirty and stinky and there’s no water.
So I bumble out of the bathroom and into the kitchen to try my luck with the kitchen sink. I’m still asleep, because an awake person would know that if the water didn’t work in the bathroom it won’t work in the kitchen. Well, it didn’t work in the kitchen. I even tried the hot and the cold water just in case. No dice.
I tell my roommate, but I don’t know how long he has been awake, and he’s already showered and dressed and all that, so I get shafted because I slept in.
Fortunately, the water was back on at 10:55. I’m so lucky.