Subtle Coolness

Ma Nature can be cruel sometimes;
But not paddle-cruel,
Nor grounding.
What did I do to deserve this?

If I stayed out too late last night
It was balmy weather made me do it,
Honest.
Midnight walks in pajama pants I can’t resist.

I suppose the Lone Star State is infamous
For these bizarre weather patterns.
“If you don’t like the weather, wait ten minutes,”
But don’t let’s be cliché about it.

Let me take this fleeting moment
To complain:
Cold without snow
Might as well be thorns without roses.

Can anyone imagine the day I give up computers completely?

Or, more specifically, can anyone imagine that day being any day other than the day I die?

Yeah, me neither.

Several months ago, I was searching for some information to help me with my site, when I came across a website that helped me quite a bit. The author of this site was an accomplished programmer, and I learned a lot from him. He gave some cool tips that I implemented on my site, and in the process I learned more about the software that powers Subtle Coolness.

Then one day in October 2004, this author simply wrote,

It’s time for me to find a new hobby. Preferably one that doesn’t involve angle brackets. Or computers. Or electricity.

His website hasn’t changed since. Could I ever do that? Those who know me would probably say, “No.”

“Heck no at all.”

With that said, those who know me would probably confirm that I spend too much time at a computer. Considering I almost always have a computer in my pocket, I am inclined to agree.

This week I backed off. This week I exercised.

“Whoa!” you say. But yes, this week I exercised; and I exercised more than once; and I enjoyed it. I have decided to swim every day the swim center is open (except Sunday, of course). Unfortunately, the swim center is closed today, so no swimming for me.

Swimming is awesome. You get a good workout, in your arms and your legs, and you get out of breath, and there is always someone there to save you if you pass out. As a bonus, you’re not sore the next day. All that water is doing wonders for my skin.

The whole locker room experience still scares me, though.

“Click the pic,” as it were. You may know Karen from a few recent comments. I received this letter by courier Sunday evening.

As some have already discovered, I traveled to Waco to visit my family this past weekend. So many exciting things and blogworthy happened, that I had to take notes because I did not have access to a computer. I also have pictures.

To begin, my brothers are the coolest brothers. When I arrived at the residence of my parents, my parents were not there, but these guys were (sans the short one). We cleaned the house, then went to the library. Of course, none of us went to the library for books. We went to the library for computers. I was going to use one, but I exercised some self control and moderation, and instead browsed the fiction section.

We also went to the library because in the parking lot there is a water store booth thing. “¡La Mejor Agua!” One quarter buys one gallon. Bring your own containers. Well, one quarter buys one gallon and one cup, as my brother and I discovered. Surprisingly. When the gallon jug was full and the water didn’t stop.

Back at the house we learned why none of us would ever see a Dashboard Confessional concert. We don’t know the words to all the songs. We were watching some concerts on a DVD, and if they are any indication, you are required to know all the words to all the songs to be admitted. Maybe the restriction only applies to the first twelve rows. Or girls. I think you have to take a test to get in, one of those fill-in-the-blank tests with just a song title at the top and blanks on the rest of the page. Not my style.

We still needed to eat dinner. For some reason I always eat fish sticks and tater tots when I visit Waco. The aforementioned fish sticks and tater tots were cooked and cooling when Daniel suggested we make cookies or brownies or something. I suggested we eat first, but my brother was afraid eating dinner first would spoil his appetite for making cookies. We risked it. With dinner out of the way, and no appetites spoiled, we began mixing up some deluxe peanut butter cookies.

First we broke the hand mixer, then we broke the other hand mixer, so we had to resort to using the KitchenAid megamixer. We should have started with that. It was so awesome. We got peanut butter all over the counter and the wall and the side of the refridgerator. They turned out great. The recipe said it makes 36 cookies. It didn’t make 36 cookies, but they sure tasted like 36 cookies.

At this point I had taken some photographs with my 35mm camera, and the roll of film was full. I had an unexplainable urge to get them developed immediately, but it was 19:30, and I couldn’t think of anyone who did one-hour processing at that time on a Saturday night. But a guy can try.

We drove to CVS first, because it was closest. My brother was going to stay in the car while I ran in to drop off my film, but I convinced him to come with.

> You’re going to want to see this. I’ll probably have to flirt with > someone to get these photos developed.

CVS? More like, CV No! That cute girl at the photo desk let me down.

Our next stop was HEB. I sprinted across the parking lot and into the store, apparently drawing the attention of several security guards. I ran up to the photo desk and quickly regained my composure. I asked the man on duty if he did one-hour processing at that time, and I think he twitched. Then he gave me a look that could be interpreted two ways: “Are you some kind of idiot? Who would do one-hour processing at this time of night? Certainly not me!” or “Well, are you going to say something to me?”

It turns out that his twitch was actually an affirmative nod, and I looked like an idiot because I just looked at him for fifteen seconds before saying anything. Anyway, he took my film, said it would probably be ready in thirty minutes, and I left. When I came back 45 minutes later he was looking for me. He handed me my pictures and said, “What took you so long? I said it would be done in thirty minutes!” And that, my friends, is why HEB will always be the coolest store in the world.

To the mothers in the audience, I also learned that there are two ways to get leftovers eaten: put them in a clear container so your children can see what it is; or put them in an ice cream container.

I was proctoring the biggest lab in the world, and I was all by myself. Suddenly, I realized that it was time to close! I quickly announced that the lab was closed and everyone had to leave. Hundreds of people started madly rushing for the doors. I slipped into a stairwell, went down a few flights, and came out on a balcony overlooking some large classroom. The walls were painted dark, the lights were low and half a dozen students were sitting in a broken circle around Anthony Hopkins. One of the students was a friend of mine, and she was asking him something.

I left that room and went down some more stairs and out a door that opened to a parking lot. I met some people I knew from England, chatted with them for a minute or two, then told them I needed to get back to work.

I entered the stairwell again, and on the way up I noticed that there were backpacks scattered all over the stairs. When I got back up to my enormous lab, there were still hundreds of people milling about. Once again, I anounced that the lab was closed and everyone needed to go home. Once again, people started running for the exit.

Then, like your stereotypical immature fratboy college sophomore, some guys started taking books and writing all over them. I tried to be nice and ask them to stop, but they soon decided they didn’t want to leave, and turned on me.

I got away from them somehow, and ran up some open stairs, so I could still see the huge room. When I got to the first landing, I was on the verge of tears because I had lost complete control of the lab and I had a mob of angry fratboy college sophomores on my heels. Suddenly, I looked up and was overwhelmingly relieved to be looking into the eyes of

I have a hard time remembering dreams, especially when I wait so long to write them down. I don’t remember who I saw.