Subtle Coolness

Texas and “subtle”:
Incompatible.

All of our Summers
Burn out abruptly;

Even our Autumns
Feel the need to fall;

Every Winter
Bursts from the freezer;

And when comes the Spring:
Beauty without peer.

Saturday, 15 October was the Halloween Dance at the LDS Institute. It felt a little early in the month for costumes, but I couldn’t resist. I dressed up as my hero, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

This year I was more specific than I have ever been. I was Obi-Wan Kenobi as played by Ewan McGregor in Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. I started growing a beard three weeks in advance. I studied countless pictures so I could part my hair in the right place.

All my preparation paid off. I won the prize for “most authentic costume” at the dance. I was freaking elated. And I got a Snickers.

The best part is that I get to do it again on the 31st.

Yesterday I had two new experiences: I watched a Chinese movie and ended up absolutely disliking it; and I played a full game of Magic: The Gathering.

I started watching House of Flying Daggers this morning at 07:00. The costumes were beautiful and the scenery was spectacular. The cinematography was stunning and the fighing was intense. There were even guys flying through a bamboo forest.

I even thought the plot was alright, until it twisted. And twist it did.

Without going into too much detail, one guy tells a girl he loves her, and when he learns that she doesn’t love him back, he proceeds to try to take advantage of her. Later on down the line he ends up murdering her and blaming it on the guy she’s really in love with.

Oh yeah, that’s classy, and he’s supposed to be the guy with morals, fighting against a corrupt government. Get your own corrupted ducks in a row, Leo, before you start claiming to stand for ideals.

Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever been so outspoken about some dumb movie before. Enough of that. On to bigger, better, more exciting and way more social things.

Yesterday I played my first game of Magic: The Gathering! I discovered that it might be something I could get into, as long as I always play against This One Tall Guy—-from now on, his name will be abbreviated to Vatican.dll.

First of all, I had never played before. During the game we both had little rule-books to refer to. I probably checked mine every time either one of us tried to do anything until about halfway through the game.

Next of all, Vatican.dll had a big ol’ box full of cards and we had to select our own deck out of the mix. I had never played the game and I had to pick what I wanted to fight with. Can you say, “unfair advantage”? That’s not true, though. Vatican.dll found some wicked-awesome cards for me and was a great help as I was selecting my deck.

After that of all, not only were we wizard-dueling each other (that’s what Magic is all about: wizards dueling), but we had to constantly fend off a six-years-old boy who was trying to give us playing tips and look at our cards. I’m pretty sure he even tried to stack my deck in my favor at one point, though he denies it.

All of all, the game was good. I thought I was going to lose for a while because I kept making dumb mistakes. It was my first time after all, and Vatican.dll had a couple of annoying Saproling factories that kept churning out little minions. Fortunately, I had some über-powerful cards out and about, and I held on to the last and won.

Was there ever a Magic: The Gathering Saturday morning cartoon show? I might actually enjoy watching it now. Once.

You always write me letters,
And you’re pleasantly consistent,
But the letters you are writing
Are not addressed to me.

After night has ended,
But before the morning breaks,
That is when you write those letters that
Are not addressed to me.

Rest assured, I read them
With eager haste when I roll out of bed,
But it would mean so much more if they were
Addressed to me.

One never lacks for adventure when one hangs with the right people. Yesterday I was at the Institute reading a biased newspaper when the secretary popped her head into the room and asked, “William, do you have a car?” I replied that I did not, and carried on reading the paper.

Then this one Tall Guy walked in. He’s not the Tall Guy, or that Tall Guy even, but he is tall nonetheless.

“I just ordered a burrito from Baja Fresh, and it’s going to be ready when I get there,” he announced, obviously excited, when he entered the room. Then he was intercepted by the secretary.

“You have a car, this one Tall Guy! Can you go rescue Unnamed Damsel-in-Distress? She’s stranded at Undisclosed Location.” This one Tall Guy had to think for a minute, because Baja Fresh was preparing or had already prepared a burrito for him, and he needed to go pick it up immediately. He enlisted my assistance and the plan became thus:

1. This one Tall Guy goes to Baja Fresh to pick up his burrito, while concurrently,
2. I get his car from underneath the Institute and pick him up.
3. We then drive to Undisclosed Location, with me behind the wheel and he eating his burrito.
4. We have our light infantry create a thick smoke screen. Then we lay down some suppressive fire until our snipers are in position, while watching out for surface-to-air antioxidant missiles. By the time reinforcements arrive we will have made it to Undisclosed Location and air-lifted all the victims out of the area.

So, I’m driving down a large highway when I look to my right and see this guy eating his burrito without any utensils. The burrito in question, mind you, is as big as my forearm perhaps, and covered with cheese and sauce and salsa and all kinds of things that make messes and warrrant the invention of color-safe bleach. So this guy has the entire monstrous burrito firmly gripped in one hand, and he is taking an equally monstrous bite out of one end.

“I won’t have time to enjoy it properly,” he said. It appeared to me like he was enjoying it just fine.

“If I keep this up I might begin making regular appearances on your website,” he said. That’s not so bad, but I might have to think of a better name than “this one Tall Guy.”