Subtle Coolness

Dear Cherry,

I completed reading The Professor and the Madman today. It was an excellent book. It changed the way I think about dictionaries and their use.

First, while I was still reading it, I looked up information about the OED online. I found out that I could subscribe to access the online version for $295 per year. Wow. Then I realized that my university would probably have a subscription already, so I investigated.

Sure enough, I can access the OED online through my university’s library web site. This made me very happy. As in, as long as I am affiliated with the University of Texas, I will never use any other online dictionary again. Ever.

Second, my perception of the purpose of a dictionary has fundamentally changed. I am reminded of some things I wrote recently regarding ‘florescent’ and ‘fluorescent’, for example. I used to think that it was the dictionary’s job to ‘fix’ the language — to define the rules of engagement, as it were. I was under the impression that if one used a word in violation of its stated definition, one used the word incorrectly. Period.

Now I understand: the dictionary is not scripture; it is merely history. While it does it’s best to accurately describe what a word means, it’s primary purpose is to accurately describe what a word meant. The dictionary is a book of history. It preserves, as best as possible, the history of a language.

The English language is not set. It is a living, evolving thing. It is not ‘fixed’, and is there any sane way to ‘fix’ it? I submit that there is not.

Lexicographically,

William

A week ago I was invited to a dinner with the Relief Society presidency and the Elders Quorum presidency of my ward. It was to occur today and it was to be pot-luck — which, as an aside, is a very interesting word when looked up in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Accordingly, I had a week to decide on and prepare something to bring with me to the pot-luck dinner of presidencies. I opened my trusty Jackson Family Cookbook and spied the recipe for “Impossible Pie (Crustless Quiche)”. I was certain this was to be my dish.

As the moment of truth approached, I surveyed my cupboards, and listed the ingredients I lacked. I walked to the grocery store and purchased, among other things, bacon, Swiss cheese, milk and an onion. I walked back.

The timing of the dinner forced me to serve the dish cold. Therefore I gathered the necessary tools and ingredients the night before and meticulously followed the recipe. I preheated to 400 degrees. I fried bacon. I grated cheese. I chopped onion. I beat eggs and milk and salt and pepper and Bisquick. I put it all together in a greased baking dish. I put it in the oven and waited.

Several tens of minutes and a few incredulous instant messages later —

(19:12:21) Jerry: so what have u been up to?
(19:12:38) William: Working, and working. And cooking a quiche at the moment.
(19:12:43) William: But mostly working.
(19:12:50) Jerry: ur cooking?

— I removed a beautiful quiche from the oven and carefully placed it in the refrigerator. It smelled good.

Today I brought it to church and put it in the fridge there. After church I rode with Marc (the president) to the home of Tamara (the president). We ate dinner and everyone loved the quiche. I was so happy.

The end.