I’d like to derive a superficial formula that can be used to measure coolness. It will be simple and straightforward, with no ambiguity.
What I need from everyone, therefore, are ideas. I need to know what you think should factor into this equation. Everything must be able to be concretely measured without dispute. Here is an example to inspire you:
where 
is the number of real friends you have on the
Facebook, and 
is the number of imaginary friends
you have on the Facebook, e.g. Strong Sad.
I’m considering adding a hefty penalty if you own an imaginary identity on the Facebook.
Remember, this will only be funny if we make this as superficial as possible. I know you have it in you.